49 things I learnt this year
This particular trip around the sun has been both shitful and spectacular in equal measure and how it began is certainly not how it ended. Life is like that. This time last year I was home in Ubud in my sarong living behind the Monkey Forest and complaining about the traffic, idiot tourists and planning our move to Malaysia for a while to just escape it all. The rest of the year was then taken up by work, moving countries, airports, Singapore on repeat, more airports, work, an accident that landed me in the hospital the day before I was due to fly back home to Bali - recovering from that took more time, still working, more airports, going to Thailand and loving it again, coming back to Penang to watch the world close up around us - packing to escape COVID and do bus life again and then well... the rest as we know certainly didn't go as planned.
As birthdays go this one was definitely a bonus for me and more meaningful than most. For a start, through some form of airline miracle and compassionate grounds, I am in Australia for it - for better or for worse - so it has been a time to finally regroup and be showered with the good stuff for a change - a fab art and food-filled staycation with my sis and champagne, flowers, pampering, more food and Guinness with my long lost lover. But the biggest gift of all was time - to just catch up and reflect a bit on the year - and what a year it has been for me, my family and all those that I cherish. Moving 3 countries in one year is not something I recommend but sometimes a girl just has to get the job done.
Of course, I also got to enjoy so many wonderful wishes from every corner of this Earth I love so much. I am fortunate to have large pieces of my heart scattered around the globe so I thank every one of you - you have all brought a lot of joy to my heart this year. And it was needed.
For my 49 years of life I can now share the 49 things I learnt this past year:
1. Solitude is a gift that will reveal many things about yourself. You will change how you live after that. What once seemed so important is no longer that significant and other things will then come into sharp focus.
2. The only way out really is - through. Nothing is forever. All storms run out of rain eventually.
3. We simply have no idea what the future may hold so don't even think that you do - put your energy only into what you can control - the present moment. And show up for that wholeheartedly.
4. Focusing just on each day and every hour hones your thinking and your inner peace. Enjoy the details in your day. Patience is a wonderful, quiet thing worth relearning.
5. My tribe is true and I am so very fortunate I have dear, honest, supportive and emotionally present people in my life that have my back
6. WiFi really is truly miraculous
7. As much as I think I 'need' certain things in life to live - I truly don't and survived just fine with quite little. Mindset is everything.
8. Unpacking stuff is a life skill. Whether it's luggage, houses or emotions. Unpacking is where it's at.
9. Self-compassion is the ultimate superpower. Emotional resources are not infinite - use them wisely. Be mindful of where your energy goes and who you invest in.
10. I am not defined by my home, my country, my background, my profession or my belongings - I can still live as a kind and decent human being without it all
11. Once all the trappings, the labels, the job titles, the 'story', the roles/ images that define me to the outside world are all taken away (and in many ways, they have fallen away for now). What is left is me - an intrepid, big-hearted, courageous, Guinness loving, humble, curious seeker of food, light, meaning, laughter and joy who scratches her head a lot at the world and asks a lot of questions.
12. Gratitude is a game-changer. If you do one thing for yourself - do this. 10 a day twice a day. Habits take 21 days to master - so make good ones.
13. Slowing down is the only way to notice everything you have missed and need to appreciate more. This includes people, yourself and your environment. Make that cup of tea, have that nap in the sun, ring that person. Life really is as simple as you make it.
14. Being uncomfortable is OK. Uncomfortable conversations, situations and feelings help you grow. But while it happens it is really quite gross.
15. Consistency = integrity. Seek it in those you surround yourself with and aim to be that for others.
16. Sometimes surviving and coming out the other end intact is often all that is required in life - anything else is a bonus
17. When you think it is all over that is usually the beginning of something and often it is exactly what you needed
18. You have no clue about how to control anything and no one else does either. That is the baseline. That is how the world operates. Everyone thinks they have it under control. They don't - no one has a clue what they are doing. Realising this helps life make a lot more sense and takes the pressure off.
19. People are not always able to meet you where you are on your path. It's painful to acknowledge but it's easier than having to explain yourself with crayons every day.
20. Running away from things is always easy but life has a way of locking the door on a room - with you in it - until you face the stark realities you have tried to avoid. Walk that road to self-awareness with grace and self-compassion.
21. Fear is what stops most great things in life happening. It is the one thing that will suffocate all the change that is needed so that you can live your life with peace and purpose.
22. Spirituality is not icons, temples and churches - it is an inside job. It steadies you from the inside out.
23. Stay curious, stay humble and stay quiet. Listen more. Quietude is something we all need more of. Slow down.
24. Support your friend's projects in any way you can. Give your time, buy their stuff, talk them up and share your skills. Celebrate their successes and be there for their failures.
25. Give your time away - it's free and we all have it. Show up. For your mates, your community and the vulnerable. Be a participant in your life, not a bystander or a passive onlooker. Serve others.
26. Be present only with who is in front of you - full attention is a true gift to others. Multi-tasking is highly overrated.
27. What you think you can't do and what you resist is often the one thing you probably should be doing. This sucks but it is often the thing that propels your life forward.
28. You will be placed exactly where you need to be at any given time - trust that. You may not know why right now and you will fight it, cry and complain about it but sooner or later you will find out why things turned out that way. Trust.
29. Emotional bypassing can get in the bin. Feeling the feels is freeing. Some things heal, some things don't, life is messy - it is your job to do the work and know the difference between what is worth your energies. People may not change - you have no control over that but you can change you and what behaviours you accept in your life.
30. Not everything has a solution or an answer. Not everything in life is healable - it just becomes part of you. You adapt and adjust.
31. The way people treat you is a reflection of them - not you. That understanding will free you.
32. Living with less was the best decision I have ever made when I downsized and left Sydney all those years ago. It has added ease and a freedom to my life and made decisions a lot less fraught with logistical challenges.
33. Freedom of choice and movement has been quite undervalued until now. I have taken it for granted that I could just get on a plane or get in the bus. I realised I don't love to travel - I love to experience the world, meet people and hear their stories. The ache of not being in places you consider home does not ever pass - the only thing that makes it easier is knowing this is just another short chapter in a life well lived so far. This new normal is not my forever normal. Of this I am certain.
34. You can hone your thinking, discipline your mind and avoid emotional rabbit holes - yes it is possible. But it takes time, guidance, practice and meditating helps.
35. Do the work. Seek help when you need it - get your butt into therapy if required - make yourself truly accountable for who you are and what your life is about. Change your patterns that don't serve you. Open your mind to change. You are always a work in progress. Just do the work.
36. The aim is to be at peace no matter what your external circumstances look like and I have to say that is really, really hard to do - but it is worth aiming for.
37. Expectations are a killer. This is where human suffering lives.
38. Texting is the best way to ruin a friendship or a relationship - it lacks nuance and feeling. Going old school with communication means your connections with people will flourish.
39. Trust the process, trust that answers are not always there yet and time allows things to happen and reveal themselves
40. Values are part of your inner framework - compromise them at your peril. And boundaries, boundaries - don't leave home without them.
41. Step out of the ring. Take your ball, park your ego at the door and walk away until you know what a situation requires. Usually, it's time and space. Answers will usually reveal themselves. Let it go - not forever, just until clarity comes.
42. Be kind. To yourself and the people that cross your path each day. Approach each day with that intention.
43. Surround yourself with people that celebrate you - forget those that only tolerate you. Watch your self esteem soar!
44. We are all living a new story this year - and no ones reality is better than the next persons. Everyone is facing something, in some way, so never forget that - even those who think they have it all worked out and are shouting 'I am OK' the loudest. Remember those that have a lot have the most to lose. Those with not much have less far to fall. The cracks are very real in 2020. Nowhere is better than anywhere else this year when it comes to certainty and knowing what the future will look like.
45. Wear a mask. Don't listen to idiots on the internet. Think for yourself but not to the point that you bypass common sense and science.
46. Too many people think the world revolves around them and only them. And that the vulnerable and broken are to blame for their life circumstances. This has to stop. Community is everything.
47. Compassion to self and others is like empathy with a super booster charger. It is good for you and others and makes life so much softer.
48. Acceptance brings you peace but to get there takes a lot of effort and it is ongoing
49. Hold true to you - because in the end - it's you that has to live with yourself. Like yourself and love who you have become and the rest will follow.
"There are times to cultivate and create when you nurture your world and give birth to new ideas and ventures.
There are times of flourishing and abundance when life feels in full bloom, energized and expanding.
And there are times of fruition when things come to an end. They have reached their climax and must be harvested before they begin to fade.
And finally, of course, there are times that are cold and cutting and empty, times when the spring of new beginnings seems like a distant dream.
Those rhythms in life are natural events. They weave into one another as day follows night, bringing, not messages of hope and fear, but messages of how things are. "
~Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche
Peace and thanks for another year on this glorious Earth.
