Livin' La Vida Lockdown Day 48: Social Media Distancing

Lady Gaga said " social media is the toilet of the internet " and I have to agree.

But do I use social media every day - particularly now? Hell yeh! Do I also do a digital detox and go MIA? On the regular. Right now it's been pretty intense on all platforms - so it pays to be mindful how long you spend with your head in the social media toilet.

Particularly if you are just laying around at home eating chips on a scroll fest day in day out. Lockdown is a perfect time to start putting in place what I like to call, 'social media distancing'.

Just like anything we participate in - it is all about mindful consumption, keeping it real and having boundaries.

If you are just jumping from one platform to the next - start by asking yourself what you are distracting yourself from? What kind of connection are you really seeking? What is it you are gaining by getting into that online argument with a random? What is realllllly going on? Are you bored? Are you anxious? Are you just being a sponge to all the noise?

Remember as you scroll - all those messages are hitting your brain. So if you are already feeling out of kilter, fearful, sad, depleted or scared (and who isn't right now to some degree ) - no amount of FB or Insta will help that. It just won't. It will numb you, distract you, probably annoy the crap out of you and it will kill some time. But will it cure the current existential angst we are all feeling in some way? No.

You will also find much to your dismay that humans can honestly suck and right now an assortment of complete asshats are choosing the worst time to appear online. Troll and bot armies are a thing, conspiracy theories are polluting the facts, everyone has an opinion, people are at home bored so there are more keyboard warriors than ever before - so just avoid the conflict and don't feed the beast. The less time you spend in that morass the better.

So how do I keep a safe social media distance when I still need to be super connected as a solo person in isolation?
I treat social media just like I would a normal human relationship - it's a two way street with very clear boundaries. The rules that apply in my personal life are pretty much reflected in my interactions on socials.

- If it serves me, elevates me and inspires me - it's in - if it's toxic - it's out. For good.
- If it sucks my energy or makes me feel anxious, awkward or belittled - it's out. No ones got time for that.
- If it bullies or demeans - it's out - blocked. In the bin, you go.
- If it lacks at least some authenticity - it is a no.
- If it is tone-deaf and lacks any empathy ( particularly now ) it's a mute or an out. No ones got time for that either.
- As much as I would love to - like REALLY love to - I try to limit commenting on any news posts - unless I am 100% dedicated, feel super righteous and am ready to be trolled. If you are not up for some idiot calling you out - or dozens of messages from randoms - step away from the keyboard.
- If it makes me feel uncomfortable, creeped out, disrespected or unsafe - it's also out.
- If it offers real human engagement and is creative, inspiring, elevating and amazing - it's IN, IN, IN.
- If it is supporting my friends in their endeavours - it's also IN.
- Of course, if it's satire, golden smartassery, pisstakery or makes me laugh - it's always IN.

***Pro tips***
Curate your feeds like your life depends on it. Mute any negativity, drama, attention seekers, bad news and the people that induce an eye roll (newsflash - we see beyond the smoke and mirrors). We all have those people - if you can't delete because it's going to cause mafia-style wars - just mute. Do it on all platforms and see the difference it makes to your headspace. While you are at it switch off all your notifications. And then start following some positive stuff - that's your reward.

Now like all things, it pays to have a buddy system - mine is set up with a trusted mate who knows what an opinionated PIA I can be at times and she will pull me up if I am entering the social media rabbit hole. I always disagree with her and protest - and then I realise I have just spent two hours arguing with some random online about visa laws in Bali. She set me a challenge last year to unfollow and mute a whole lot of pages, people, groups and news that I was following - and damn - I have never looked back. It made such a difference curating everything that came into my feeds. Try it - it works. You won't know yourself.

Just like in real life I like my tribe close and to be real :
*I mute and unfollow a lot - I am ruthless with where my energies are placed. I value connection, authenticity, sincerity, not arbitrary noise.
*I bow out of notifications from people and pages that flood my feeds with shitty low energy content and I mute many things for a month.
*I unfollow ALL groups - yes ALL and choose when or if I want to even engage in the human cesspool of baseless opinions and ego wars. The answer is usually no. I have better things to do with my time.
*I don't add people I don't vibe with and that is on all platforms - I also block without hesitating. Blocked you're gone - bye Felicia! I figure if you can't respect me online you sure as shit ain't going to respect me in real life - so out you go.
*You will also find that the folks that treat you fairly average in real life will probably do the same online - so start asking yourself the hard questions - do you truly need those sorts of connections in your life on any level? Yes, it sucks when you see the truth - but you know the saying - that sucker will set you free!

Now it is pretty clear I also like a good banter - and I know that I would just enter the vortex of opinions if I joined Twitter. So I haven't. The world has enough opinions.

I choose to only be on Linked In - which I use a lot now since it has changed it's format. It has some really decent long-form content if you tailor your feed. I use Pinterest religiously - it is visual and silent - which is perfect for me. I love it. Go follow me on there. And of course Facebook.

Once you add Gmail, WhatsApp, Messenger, Zoom, Skype, Trello, Slack - yeh for me that is WAY more than enough connectivity with the world. In fact, it's becoming too much.

Which is why now that I have time on my hands - I will be clearing out all my communication channels over the coming week and doing a deep dive into where my energies can be better placed.

First, on the list - folks who can't acknowledge receipt of emails or messages on any platform. What - seriously you are that busy running a multinational or small African nation you can't press on the thumb? Honestly, it is just basic manners. And those unsolicited messages I never asked for - who are these people? Or those trying to sell me things because we are connected or those that ask a question or ten and don't even bother reading the reply. Or worse I give them a highly crafted lengthy response and not even a simple thanks and don't even get me started on the chain mails. Just don't do it folks - its annoying and rude. Egh.