Livin' La Vida Lockdown Day 35

What question have I been asked the most over the last month or so?
" How do you do it? How do you stay sane."

Short answer: you just do.

When you have no choice - surrender is the only option. But a mindset shift really helps - I focus on what I can control and that is all. Resistance is futile and my energies can be put elsewhere.

Long answer: it has taken 35 days of isolation alone in an apartment that I had just moved into - with 5 books and no access to outside amenities anymore - to formulate a basic routine and a mental pattern that works for me. It takes 21 days to create a habit - so I knew early on I wanted to hit the ground running at the end of this. That whatever I did over the isolation period could either fill me with the good stuff or start diminishing me.

I vowed that I was not going to add to the burdens of this experience by treating my mind and body like garbage. It was the least I could do. Living in an apartment does my head in at the best of times - so I made a plan. Very much like the self-care plan in my earlier post. And I stick to it.

Basically it is a matter of being mindful of what goes into your body, mind and spirit - every hour of every day. That is what keeps you afloat. I said from the outset - this time will be what I make of it and no way will be the 'right way' - it is not a one size fits all kind of experience.

1. I realised pretty quickly this was going to be a challenge that may continue for months and since I was by myself - I could either fall in a heap, gain some shocking habits, go a bit loopy or reframe my situation and take some control over this roller coaster. Once I began thinking of it as an opportunity to sit still and regroup (which I rarely do) rather than feel like I was under house arrest - it became much easier. It was a chance to be with my self. Just me. To understand my life better and what truly matters. To take a much-needed inventory of what's what and who is who. And that inventory will lay the foundations for the next chapter in my life. And so it begins.

2. Being alone has also allowed me to feel like some days I am on a strange silent retreat of sorts but with WiFi and snacks. There is a true luxury within that. But it is also mindbendingly difficult if you fight against it. Which in the beginning you do - then all the stages of grief hit - once you realise freedom is now a memory, life is no longer as it was nor will it be. Then you decide you better get a handle on that, process it and accept it - because no one will do that for you. Then you surrender to it and become numb and day 20 looks like day 35 and what's two more weeks in the grand scheme of things. Hell give us 4. Time is an illusion anyway.

3. I don't give myself a hard time about anything - I put zero expectations on myself during this time - apart from the basics. I feel what I feel. I have nothing to prove to anyone right now and there is a freedom in that. If I am exhausted I don't say 'but why?' I know why. This is like running a mental marathon - every single day. With no idea of what the end may look like. It is my experience - it is my ship to sail. Everyone has their own exhaustion - for different reasons. All reasons are valid.

4. My friends are kind, present and freely giving of support and humour during this time - every day I wake up to funny stuff in all my inboxes. I start the day laughing and knowing people care is a pretty big thing to be grateful for in this life. I pay no mind to those that are unable to be emotionally present or capable. But things have a very clear focus now - I am supremely aware of who is really in my life and who exists in the shadows. Who shows up with actions. Who can read a room and who is tone-deaf. If ever I had any doubt now I have total clarity.

5. I don't have Netflix and the channels on the local TV are not in English. I have a balcony to sit on and a view of Penang's coast and that is enough. Many don't have that. Days go by where I may not see a human except on another balcony or via the Internet. So Wi Fi is life. Literally. I am thankfully very connected to the world and the cultural landscape - I visit museums, watch concerts, visit zoos, gigs, live streams, talks, theatre and classes. I have seen amazing concerts, live music, my friends perform, sing, dance - and of course Wi Fi connects me with the humans in my life.

6. I sleep better at night now knowing my elderly parents and family are together during this and I am so grateful for the effort and time that it takes to orchestrate that during a pandemic. No small feat. That gives me peace.

7. I meditate - a lot. It calms the monkey mind, puts my head in a focused, quiet place and allows a real connection to happen within my mind and body. I sleep better. I breathe and stretch better. I process my emotions in a healthier way. I am a better human because of it. It takes me beyond my physical reality which is pretty bloody limited right now.

8. I lived and travelled in a bus - this adds another dimension to my ability to endure discomforts. I always remind myself of bus life, van life and well, now I have air conditioning, a couch and a fancy shower - so that's something. As always - I would trade all those things for my old life and freedom in a heartbeat.

9. It pays to be very conscious in how you think about things - seriously reigning in the negativity train, not allowing your mind to run off into rabbit holes, pity parties and fear vortexes. A disciplined approach to: how you think, who is in your life, what you are reading/watching and who you communicate with - is key.

10. I try not to spend too much time reading news unless I really feel up to it. When you are locked down as I am and like a lot of the world is and you see Australians lining up for coffees in lycra, swimming, flouting laws, bike riding, jogging in that slipstream, yet complaining it is all such an inconvenience to their lifestyle - it is time to switch off the laptop. It never ends well.

11. I plan nothing any more. I dream and hope but I don't plan right now. The future is a great unknown for the time being. This experience has shown me how little control we have in life. What will be will be. Nothing will look the same after this. Everything you thought was solid is going to look very different. When people say what's the plan? I laugh and say
" Which one? The 'apocalypse plan'? Or the 'what just happened to our life' kind of plan? Sorry didn't really see either of these things coming".

12. As much as it is regarded a national sport in Oz - I don't drink alcohol like it's going out of style right now. I just did a week without booze. It helps the positivity levels greatly.

13. Coffee - one long black a day - and I am usually a fiend with caffeine. But I chose a decent sleep over this particular vice. Speaking of sleep I aim for the same bedtime every day and 8 hours of zzz's. Yep. Routine. Boring as batshit - but the aim is to get out of this healthy and in one piece.

14. I eat right - cook my own food - small meals - loads of fresh fruit and vegetables, eggs, lean beef, fresh chicken, no junk, very few carbs, minimal sugar and lots of healing spices in everything and of course turmeric, ginger chai every single day. And water. Loads of water. I started this kinda healthy and vowed to remain so. (I miss a pint of Guinness or 4 more than anything though).

15. Good tunes, meditation music, calming beats, dance tracks - help to just take down the anxiety a notch. The aim is to raise your vibration not lower it - I do whatever works.

16. I journal and write every single day and a gratitude list morning and night. Joy lists are good too. I started reading Option B again - a book I highly recommend for when life throws you a curveball and Option B, C, or D is all you got. Many of us will be left with that after this ends. Best to start getting your head ready for that reality now.

17. I take my mental health super seriously during this time. Isolation is a killer. We have had curve balls thrown at us left and right the last few months and we are still reeling from the impact. I have an astonishingly gifted, intuitive and supportive counsellor who is just a Skype call away - for when it gets way too much. There is no way on earth I would have held my shit together without her professional guidance in this. No way in hell. All part of the self-care that is necessary when the bottom falls out of your reality completely.

18. I feel the feels. Of all the things I have learnt in this time - it is that emotional bypassing is utterly futile. What you feel will bite you in the ass now or later - its your choice. Best to just let it flow through you, process and just get on with it. Pretending you are not scared, sad, anxious, fearful, uncomfortable, angry, feeling powerless or just plain terrified is lying to yourself. Refer to my earlier post with the video of Jeff Brown - that is the long version of this topic. The world is in trauma - you are part of the world. Simple. Feel what you have to feel.

And remember: turning shit into sunshine takes effort and time. You get what you put into it.